Oh, the excitement of middle age. It's seriously sexy.
Last year I was in a terrible place, both in terms of my physical and mental health. I thought that most of it was due to burnout related to my job, so when I found a new position (which I LOVE), I thought I would start feeling better. And while that was true to an extent, it didn't move the needle nearly as much as I'd hoped. I was still constantly exhausted, and feeling depressed because I was frustrated I didn't have the energy to do anything or enjoy things I once did.
Queue the parade of doctors and tests.
After ruling out a bunch of things via bloodwork, my doctor recommended a sleep study. It took for-freakin'-ever to get one booked, but eventually I was issued a little smartwatch-type device with a pulse oximeter probe and a sticky-sensor for my chest attached to it. I had to sync it to my phone and sleep with it for one night, then my results would be uploaded and analyzed, I was told.
The biggest inconvenience was that I had to take a nail drill to my gel-manicured acrylic nails in order for the pulse oximeter to work. Certainly much easier than the in-office sleep study my partner had to do a few years ago when he got his CPAP machine.
I snore. (Or at least, I did.) I remember when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, my pediatrician told my parents that I really should have my tonsils removed, because apparently they are abnormally large. (Are you impressed?) Like any kid, I threw a fit about having surgery, and for whatever reason my parents didn't make me do it. As a result, when I sleep, my airway is blocked by my hulking tonsils and adenoids, and I snore.
Like, a lot.
But what wasn't explained to me as a kid was that my woodchipper-like snoring was more than a one-way-ticket to getting the single bedroom on any group trip. It also meant that later in life my sleep would be disrupted by my airway being blocked.
Like, 12.2 times per hour on average, according to my sleep study.
(Which, for the record, is considered "mild" sleep apnea. Mild being 5 to 14 events per hour, moderate 15 to 29, and severe 30+. But when you think about it, ANY time you stop breathing is a little scary, right?!)
Not to mention that lack of oxygen can have some serious consequences for your cardiovascular health.
Plug me in
Once I had my diagnoses, it took a couple of weeks to get things approved and get an appointment to meet with the medical device supplier. I had my appointment last Friday and got a Resmed AirSense 11 and selected an AirFit 40 mask. (And if any of that means anything to you, you're probably a member of the CPAP subreddit, which was super helpful leading up to my appointment!) I dragged all my new goodies home in a fancy-pants travel case to use for the first time Friday night.
Saturday morning, I woke up at 8:30 feeling cautiously optimistic. Normally, I wake up with a mild headache, extreme brain fog, and a desperate wish to go back to sleep no matter how many hours I just spent in bed. I definitely felt an immediate change. No headache whatsoever, clear head, and felt ready to get up and start my day. But it was a weekend, and I'd gone to bed at a descent hour and slept in a little, so I was hesitant to get too excited.
As the day went on, I realized I wasn't dragging. I wasn't moody. I wasn't having to sit down and take a rest between all the things I wanted to do.
By Sunday, I decided whether it was the machine or a placebo effect, I didn't really care. I was feeling quite a bit better.
So I guess I wear sexy headgear now
There's definitely a part of me that feels a tiny bit of embarrassment about the oh-so-sexy headgear and hose strapped to my face every night for the rest of my life. It helps that my partner already got a CPAP several years ago. It was life changing for him, so he's a huge proponent for getting a sleep study if you have any inkling at all that you might need one. I also have several other close friends who have them and have experienced improvement (some more than others) since getting their CPAP machines.
I think the benefits far outweigh the downsides or awkwardness, though. I mean, breathing is prettttttyyy important, after all.
What I didn't realize, till I did some more reading over the weekend, was that some of the other symptoms I was experiencing and attributing to other issues probably were directly related to untreated sleep apnea as well. I was waking up with headaches, especially on weekends when I'd sleep in and try to catch up on my rest. Lack of oxygen in the blood causes blood pressure to spike, and can result in headaches. The more I tried to sleep, the worse the headache the next day would be. (Let me tell you how disheartening that is!) I also found out that mood disturbances like anxiety, depression, and inability to concentrate can all be caused by sleep apnea too. I'd been blaming it on my prior job, then perimenopause (but my doctor insisted my bloodwork didn't show any hormone changes).
Nope. Surprise—it's sleep apnea!
Not to say that's the case for everyone. (That would be dangerous to suggest. Talk to your doctor and all that!) But it's worth exploring, and the way the fog cleared for me immediately after starting CPAP therapy leads me to believe it was the biggest contributing factor to my headaches, brain fog, and mood.
So all this to say: Middle age, especially for women, is a craaaaaazy f*cking place to be.
Don't be too proud to ask for help. To INSIST on help from medical professionals, if that's what it takes. I'm glad I had a supportive partner and friends that encouraged me to keep demanding answers.
Don't settle for "I guess this is just what middle age looks like," like I almost did.
I deserved better. So do you.